Are you a dancer, a drinker or a deep philosophical thinker?
Like the morals of Vegas, the common thought among staff can be ‘what happens at the Xmas party…stays at the Xmas party’ though of course, people talk and before you know it your rendition of Madonna’s ‘Like A Virgin’ while wearing your knickers on your head at the 2011 Works do has pride of place in your co-workers black hearts. Here are a few traditional characters you’re likely to see at your staff do this December, keep an eye out and try and figure out which one you are…
The Christmas Kisser
Ah the dreaded festive lip smacker. Usually in their late 30s or early 40’s these ‘happily married with children’ types still rock up in too-tight outfits and unbuttoned shirts. Can be spotted creeping around the outskirts of the party searching for prey…I mean stragglers… I mean people to chat to! Beware this most unpopular Christmas Party character.
This gentleman or lady is usually the workplace goody-two-shoes who enjoys organising the ins and outs of sandwich placement, entertainment and what party decorations would emit the most cheer. Woe betide anyone who decides to change their dinner choice to vegan or gluten-free at the last minute! And don’t try and sneak any complimentary miniature bottles of spirits, everything is on the checklist.
The Dark Horse
This introverted mouse-like creature who hasn’t raised their voice above a loud whisper all year round has found their inner party animal and is now swinging from the ceiling fan downing a bottle of wine whilst honking like a camel. After becoming outrageously drunk they enjoy stealing colleagues drinks so they can get even more drunk, telling inappropriate jokes and as a grand finale urinating on the pool table. They will also divulge a secret from their past…possibly that they were the drummer for a death metal band.
If you’re a believer of keeping emotions hidden in a deep, dark place inside you then you should stay away from the Sobber. This person is bi-polar in every aspect and their sentiments change quicker than the weather. A big believer of sharing feelings, the Sobber will bring their intimate personal problems straight to the bar. Be careful not to get too close when ordering your beers unless you want a long snail trail of snot on your brand new top from their teary, snuffled hugs. Luckily the Sobber normally wanders to the toilets where they will remain by the taps in case they need to replenish all those bodily fluids they’ve cried out.
Do you know your running man from your worm? The Dancer will bust out classic old school moves, including the shopping trolley, all night long. Easy to find, the Dancer will spend almost the entire evening on the dance floor, or the ‘DF’ as they affectionately call it, and you lot are lucky enough to be the audience to this annual show.
By Rhi Quinn
photo: Ricky Gervais from popular British comedy ‘The Office’ is definitely the Christmas Party dancer